Americans and Domestic Violence

It has been months since Chris Brown violently assaulted his now ex-girlfriend Rihanna, and in the past few weeks the young R&B singer has been on the defensive trying to explain away his actions and make amends.  My concerns are not necessarily with the fact that he is trying to save face or trying to down play the whole incident or that quite frankly he sounds like an typical abuser.  My concern is with the average fanbase and populous that is learning from this incident. 

As I logged onto my Yahoo! homepage today, I decided to click on a top story to read and in the sidebar I noticed a small story on the Rihanna assault case which was about Chris Brown.  To paraphrase the article was about how Brown felt left out by Oprah and that he felt Oprah should have said she was going to help both him (the perpetrator) and Rihanna (the victim) out.  If you remember correctly, the first Friday Live show Oprah held after the assault, she publicly claimed that Rihanna should stay away from Brown and to never speak to him again, and that Brown should immediately get counseling for being an abuser (or something to that effect).  I believe she also rightfully decried “once an abuser always an abuser” in that same episode as well.  Well, now, as inflammatory and upsetting as his comments are, I’m more concerned with the public reaction to this small article which is apparent by the “comments” section at the bottom of the page. 

Many of you reading this may be thinking, “oh, wow, I can’t believe you pay attention to those lunatics who comment on salacious stories,” but I believe there is a lot to be learned and to be gained from the insight of these people.  I think it is a very small, albeit prejudicial, sample of American thought and opinion that very well may shed some light on the behaviors and worldview of average human beings residing in this country.  It is also a startling look at the beliefs and reasoning some of our youth and young adults hold and adhere to, respectively.  Here are some of the comments and what I can glean from them:

Several people call Brown “stupid” for his comments/actions.  These people, in my opinion, have it correct.  Now I cannot assume to know if they are fans of his or not, but it is apparent to me that these people find his actions inexcusable and that nothing he can do or say will make up for it.  One person even states “what about rihanna? she was abused! oprah is right! chris brown is an a******!”  Another person declares, ” he's a joke! you can't get away with this kind of abuse...”  My favorite comment would have to be “this guy is a wreck! first he beats rihanna.. what's next? his future children? i'd put him in jail! that's where he belongs.”

Some people state that “oprah should mind her own business!” and in some posts even suppose to know Oprah’s own mindset and state that she believes herself to be Jesus/God, and even infer that she is inherently evil.  These people obviously don’t get it and are projecting their anger/hatred on Oprah and away from the actual topic at hand.

Then there are the people who believe that Chris Brown was wrong but partially to blame and it’s not that big of a deal.

“i love chris but he realy made a mistake! now he's suffering but that's the way life goes”

“chris brown is not so bad, he just had a bad day... i feel sorry for everything that's happening to him..:(“

” i luv chris brown nd i kno he made a misteak. But to be honest Rihanna really shouldn't have started it. But a man shouldn't put his hands on a woman, unless that woman is a jerk lyke Rihanna.”

” People have bad times and make bad decisions based on their emotions. I believe that both of them had a hand in their dispute. It doesnt give excuse for what Chris did but If any of you have even heard of a man named JESUS.....maybe you would not have these evil things to say about any of them. LOVE & FORGIVENESS people!!!!!!”

This sample scares me a little.  When people chalk up violent assault to “a bad day” or point fingers to who “started it” then these people belong to a group that is either most likely to get abused in a relationship or do the abusing.  The last comment in which the person states that their decisions were based on emotion and that they both “had a hand in their dispute” is understandable, however the first part in which the person once again likens the dispute to “bad times” undermines the severity of what actually happened.

Then there are the re-victimizers or “Rihanna accusers”:

A repeat from above: “i luv chris brown nd i kno he made a misteak. But to be honest Rihanna really shouldn't have started it. But a man shouldn't put his hands on a woman, unless that woman is a jerk lyke Rihanna.”

“rihanna is a bitch! she is the one responsible for everything!”

“i agree with [person above]! rihanna is trashy !”

” rihanna sucks! go chris!”

“dd Rihana provoked him sooooooooooooooooooo??? knowing well in advance that everyone would be on her side????”

Do I even need to say what’s wrong with any of these comments, beside most of the spelling?

There are some people who are pretty straight forward about all of the negative or outrageous comments on the board also. One person says, “you people are too STUPID for words,” while another says, “Some of these comments are really sick! No man has the right to beat up a woman, period!”

And then there are the “fringe” comments that have absolutely nothing to do with the topic and are quite frankly so incredibly stupid or pointless that I’m not going to copy them but rather paraphrase them instead.  Some people just make blatantly racist comments about how the two should go back to Africa, and then there are the people who for some odd reason think its appropriate to bring President Obama into the discussion.  I’m not really sure where the segue way to Obama comes from.  Maybe because he’s black as well, but who the hell knows. 

Overall, I would say comments are an interesting way to delve into the psyche of the people.  I think I should point out that these comments are just in the first 50 or so that were posted on the page which for the record is http://buzz.yahoo.com/article/1:3c630df25bfc9e9810fb78351f30b203:3d2d4efa064b229714b92fca2ac252bc/Chris-Brown-is-mad-with-Oprah-Probably-hell-beat-the-crap-out-of-her;_ylt=AtT9VXyCGhbZBl9Mj9XwRASMfNdF

Just so you guys don’t think I’m embellishing any of these gems. 

Here’s what I think of domestic violence.  It’s violence, plain and simple.  It’s not an isolated incidence between two individuals, it’s more than that.  I will say that yes, it’s not always true that there will be constant abuse in a relationship.  Maybe Chris Brown doesn’t always get boiling mad, so he may not strike all the time, but violence is very rarely a one time occurrence and should never be treated as such.  For any person, male or female, it is never acceptable to attack or strike another human being, no matter how obnoxious or infuriating they may be.  It is not acceptable.  You would never allow anyone to get away with hitting an elderly person or an infant, so why is it apparently acceptable for us to abuse adults or our peers in such a violent and aggressive manner?  One could make several arguments: it’s our gender roles as a society, it’s the youth culture of the moment, it’s our nations violent history of war and riots, etc.  Regardless of the reasons, it is inexcusable behavior and every person should be held accountable for being violent.  It’s bad enough we have racial, gun, peer, school, workplace, military, police, eco/environmental, and random violence in our nation, just to name a few, and the most prevalent of all is domestic.  It is underreported and depreciated in its severity but that doesn’t change the fact that it is happening every day and it is a severe offense.  Repeat abusers are more likely to kill their victim, than less frequent abusers, but regardless, abuse is abuse no matter how infrequent.